The Advisor Advises

This is it. If you're planning on attending "Saskatchewan's Biggest Housewarming Party, Ever", you better be packing up and printing off your Google Map to Kipling, Saskatchewan right about now.
The one red paperclip guy is hosting his big party starting now - go to his site and scroll down to the post from August 15th for the details. Apparently... they'll be showing Corbin Bernsen Movies on an outdoor screen! I wonder if they'll show all of his movies, or just the good one?

There are only 2 more weeks until Roald Dahl Day, I hope you're ready! September 13th would have been Roald Dahl's 90th birthday if he were still around - follow this link for a list of things to do on the 13th...

For those of you thinking that you've never heard of Roald Dahl, think again. He's the creator of Willy Wonka! In addition to being the author of the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory books, he also wrote The BFG, James and the Giant Peach, and my favorite - Danny the Champion of the World.

I read a lot of his works as a young child - it may have had an impact on my sense of humour.

I'm working on writing a 'revolting rhyme', what will you do to celebrate?

Well, the Fahrenheit Club has finally reconvened. Two thousand eleven days did indeed lapse since we last gathered, and circumstance has scattered our miniscule membership hither and yon...regardless, we did manage to acheive quorum. Three members, myself (interim president), John (intermediate president) & Josh (provisional president) gathered to pay our respects to various dishes that would not normally be consumed in the same meal. There were no new members present, so the hot sauce shooters were unnecessary for the first time in our club's history. In times past, the minutes for these sessions have invariably been gathered in an haphazard manner on assorted papers, napkins, and notepads, and today was no different. Transcription follows:
Session 5 - Aug.26/06 - my house
Attendees:
Jeff
John
Josh
(Paul was indisposed - next time, my friend)

The 5th session of the Fahrenheit Club is currently in progress - if you know what that means, you should probably get over here. Thank you, come again...

I love Fluevogs.
I bought a great pair of square toed F shoes for my wedding in the late 90s, which I also wore for the beginning of my office career. When I wore those to the bone, I bought a conservatively funky pair of Supervogs which I also got my money's worth out of... Recently I purchased my third pair of 'vogs on ebay - unique footwear for a fraction of the Fluevog price, and they're green. I think you should love them too. I bought my first pair because they were the coolest looking shoes I had ever seen. I continue to buy them because they're still the coolest, their comfortable and durable, and because of what I have read about the factory working conditions for the real people that actually make the shoes.
The current clearance sale has some sweet deals - and if you don't know what size you wear or how a style fits, do what I do before ordering online - go to the nearest Fluevog Shoes retailer and try some on!

I took a closer look at that '1848 5 lire' coin that I thought was a hidden treasure - it appears to be a fake coin, made to look like a really valuable one - perhaps created to get people like me really excited...like that's going to work.

You're probably wondering whatever happened to my bicycle.

I was wondering that very same thing at 8:00am this morning while I listened to someone's idea of good on hold music on the Canadian Tire customer service line. A young lady tells me, "that was shipped via UPS on Aug 17 - here's the tracking number, etc." (she didn't actually say et cetera - not even eck setera, although I do love hearing that)
So I go to ups.com, enter said number, and voila! it was apparently delivered yesterday at 14:38. My first thought is, "who has my bicycle?" I click on details. The package was delivered to the back door. Hmmm. I run up the stairs and look out the back door. There is a big box leaning against the double stroller near the BBQ. It wasn't there last time I was out there...

So the UPS delivery person stops by on a Monday afternoon with a rather large package - approximately the size of a new bike in a box - that is adorned with labels proclaiming that it is a new bike in a box - finds that there is no one inhabiting the property that shares the address on the bike box shaped package - and he/she comes to the conclusion that it would be reasonable to leave the bike box with the bike in it in the back yard. My back yard has a 6 foot chain link fence. That's the kind that you can see through. Last spring a stroller was stolen from my front yard.
When I got over the shock brought on by the decision making ability of the UPS driver, I brought the box into my living room. I opened the top flap and found that the bike is not assembled. Nor did they send a bicycle assembling tradesperson.
I have added 'LOCATE AND HIRE BICYCLE ASSEMBLING TRADESPERSON' to my To Do list. And by 'tradeperson', I mean 'friend who has more experience than I do with bicycles. And by 'more experience', I mean 'has ridden a bicycle with more than 1 speed and not fallen off'. And by 'fallen off', I mean 'launched his/her body over the handlebars while travelling at an embarassingly low speed'. And by 'embarassingly', I mean 'this happened to a friend of a friend of mine - I'm definitely not talking about me'.

For those of you who are waiting with visible breath, the I (heart) Canadian Arctic Sovereignty shop is complete and ready for business! I am still working on the design for the black shirt, but everything else is ready to go. I have emailed info about the shop to the tourism offices in Nunavut, the Northwest Territory and the Yukon, my MP and the Prime Minister - so you better get yours before EVERYONE has them!

On another note, today was my last day at work - mixed feelings indeed.

On yet another note - on Saturday I went to a garage sale and picked up a little novelty magic trick box for a quarter - you know, the kind where you open the drawer and put in a coin, then you close the drawer and when you open it again it appears that the coin has disappeared. I thought Z would like it - he's getting old enough to find that kind of thing interesting. Not long after I had handed over the two bits and walked back to my car, I noticed that the coin inside wasn't a fake token, but an actual foreign coin. It turns out to be 5 lire from 1848 that looks exactly like the one listed here! I was happily surprised.

(PS: Welcome back to the Northern Hemisphere John!)

I was in line at the 109 street Save-On Foods deli counter when I noticed that Anne McLellan was just ahead of me, ordering items from the trays of various marinated treats. There were two employees serving customers at the deli, so at one point it was if the former Deputy Prime Minister and I were functioning as a team - placing simultaneous coordinated requests, making decisions that only we had the authority to make. I requested 200g of thinly sliced fajita chicken breast, she requested 6 marinated artichokes, I requested feta stuffed olives, she requested - then it hit me - this was my chance to ask a famous federal politician a question, maybe to seek some sage advice.
I said, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?"
She gave me a knowing look, "Sure."
"How do you serve artichokes?" I let my youthful appearance and naive demeanor address any questions regarding the motivation for such a query.
She took it in stride, "Well, they're already marinated, so I won't need to cook them. I'll be serving them on a dish with various other items; olives, cheese, sliced meats..."

I'm pretty sure she thinks I didn't recognize her. (I always feel a strange compulsion to say something memorable when I encounter a 'known' personality - which is probably a tall order, since they are quite likely approached by strangers too often with witty things to say. So I usually end up not saying anything at all - which I think is the wisest thing to do anyway.) I'm certain she didn't recognize me.

I did learn one thing. While I may not agree with her politics, I know for certain that I disagree with her choice of soft drink.

I didn't set the alarm and there are no infants or toddlers around to interrupt my slumber, but I awoke at 7:30 anyway.

My lovely wife took A and Z to visit her parents this morning. They'll be gone for 10 days. Monday is my last day at my current job. Now I have some time to address many projects and tasks that have gone unattended for too long. I began my sabbatical by doing some grass roots organizing and tidying, a load of laundry, reloading the dishwasher, but then one of life's most basic needs - and my most often overlooked need - caught up to me.
According to the folks at sleep-deprivation.com, I should be getting 6 - 9 hours each night, but since A was born 4 months ago, I've been averaging less than 5 hours per. I slept on the couch from 7:15 to 10:30 tonight - I haven't generally slept during this time period since 2003.
Now that I'm awake, I'm going to bed. Maybe I'll see you in the morning... or perhaps the afternoon. I wonder what my bed feels like after 7:30 am?

I can't believe I stayed up this late doing this: I (heart) Canadian Arctic Sovereignty : CafePress.com. I'll edit this entry tomorrow, and make it fun to read - for now, check out my new souvenier shop on cafepress.
Support your local Prime Minister! Support Arctic Sovereignty! Get the only Canadian Arctic Sovereignty t-shirts on the internet! (with actual quotes - in AND out of context - from Stephen Harper!)
Good night.

What is your score? Get it here.

I am a very organized person - hypothetically. I am also a packrat (nothing hypothetical about that one), although I prefer being called a collector.
I like everything to be in it's place. The problem is, I have too many things and not enough places.
I am working on organizing my home office space - my one bastion of freedom to display my collected items without persuading my lovely wife that other normal people would actually think 'it looks good'. In my space I am surrounded by my collecting successes - actions figures, old and/or foreign coins, Army Antz from 1984, magnets displayed on a dryer panel, unsold pictures from April's display, road maps from an internet 'experiment', little people, cameras, viewmasters and toy trucks, books and letters, metal file boxes and Rubbermaid containers big enough to hold cold drinks for an out-of-control tailgate party.
And struggling hard to belong in this evolving display are a 3-hole punch, stapler, shredder and file tray - home office denizens embracing the theory that longevity will earn them the right to function as they were intended. I can just imagine the 3-tier file tray looking over at the 3-hole punch late at night and whispering, "he actually used you while processing the power bill yeterday, didn't he? wow, maybe one day I'll get an inbox label and he'll throw out some of these Travel Montana 2005 magazines..."
Well, this afternoon I discarded nearly 20 LBs of glossy paperbound travel enticements that were sent to me for the sum of their value, in exchange for my name on too many state and provincial mailing and emailing lists, and the 3-tier file tray is now 2/3rds free. The freedom that this simple action brought was suddenly sullied by the realization that this irreversible step created the need for labels. Not simple labels that ring of familiarity - 'inbox' and 'outbox' would not survive in this culture of collections. The file tray would be mocked by the light of the glowing green 'online' indicator on the Shaw modem as I work at my real office. NO! If the tray is to function effectively, it needs labels that call out and direct the appropriate documents and invoices to their places! It needs 3 labels that communicate the same painfully clear messages to all who chance upon them - "Put unprocessed paperwork here!", "Put things to read and ponder here!, "Put things here that need to be filed somewhere else, but ensure that these very same documents do not require further thought than that lest they be filed away never to be seen again until some strange employee at a large collection agency calls requesting the forgotten payment or I notice that I haven't received the annual report because I didn't change my address when I moved so long ago!".
Those are the labels that I need.
But those are far too many words - people don't read since the internet became such a common tool, they skim. Can you help me while I look for my labelmaker?

So - I broke down and ordered the really sweet Schwinn 5 Star Cruiser. (from Canadian Tire Online) I checked all of the sales at the local Canadian Tire stores - but I was too slow on the draw, every single bike in the city was spoken for. By the time I figured that out, I was covetting the bike so badly, I had to go online and find it. There was a shipping charge of $48.99 - but the price of the bike was so good, I decided that I would go for it...however, I told myself that I had to sell $184.42 worth of the toys that I have laying around my house. It shouldn't take too long, I just have to decide which ones I can part with, and which ones actually have some value. I think I'll start with all of the Episode I action figures. George's stock didn't appreciate as much as I thought it might when the promise of a prequel trilogy sounded so good in '99. If only the 'comm-tech' chip feature wasn't so cool...
Well, here I go, $184.42 is the goal - watch the 'my stuff on ebay' link to see how I'm doing - and feel free to bid if I've got what you need!

that's how many airmiles I have now - still burning a hole. any suggestions?

So I found this cheezy quiz online that takes a few multiple choice answers to some juvenile questions and tells you what age you've been acting. I laughed out loud when it came up with this:

You Are 31 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

Oh my. 

I'm not much of a cyclist - the last bike I purchased was a BMX in grade 5 - but I've been meaning to get one for a few years now. This Schwinn Cruiser at Canadian Tire REALLY caught my eye a while back, and I just noticed that it's on sale for half price! I was on Canadian Tire Online a few minutes ago, and their 'check availabilty' feature wasn't working properly... I think I'll have to swing by after work tomorrow and see if they have one in stock. I don't think we can really afford to buy one right now - even though it's a really good deal at $124.99 - maybe I could trade up to it - one red paperclip style ;)

(I've blogged about this before, but I think it's worth repeating.)
Did you know that you can request a free credit report in Canada from both TransUnion and Equifax Canada? These two companies probably know more about your credit history than you do - and it's a good idea to know what it is that they know about you. These are the first people that every bank, retailer, and credit card company go to when you fill out a form authorizing them to do a credit check.
When you first go to their sites, it looks like they will charge you to give you your info - of course they can't do that, it's your info after all. What they actually charge you for is appeasing your impatience - the convenience of an online report runs anywhere from $15.50 to $23.95 (Canadian funds of course, but that doesn't really matter these days now does it?) However...if you take a moment to read the fine print you'll find a section somewhere on the site that mentions getting a free report if you're willing to wait for Canada Post to do it's thing. For the cost of printing their pdf form (my links above should get you there - or close to there, anyway), a photocopy of some ID, and a $0.51 stamp, you'll get a fairly up to date snapshot of whatever it is they've got on you. Whether it's to make sure their info is accurate before applying for your mortgage, or making sure that someone's not misbehaving with your identification - I'd encourage you to check it out.

That's how many Airmiles I've got burning a hole in my pocket. Any suggestions?

Apparently, we're having a BBQ at work on Friday. I received an email this morning regarding the BBQ that ended with, "if you have any objections or condiment requests, please let me know." I started to type my reply, and for some reason I got carried away and ended up with this...

I'm a big fan of pickles
Sauerkraut is fun
Cheese and mustard and mayo
On a large and tasty bun

Ketchup is a mainstay
Tomatoes are a treat
Fried onions add a certain charm
But it's nothing without the meat!

Wow. The Edmonton Sun story about this indie film was published online and quickly picked up by Slashdotters. Now I can't get on to the Xpress Entertainment forum - presumably because of a sudden surge in internet traffic. And I really wanted to post some comments as DirkLancer - my long silent, space faring, Han Solo-esque, alter ego. Ever since Devon Starfyre (the more physically dynamic half of the intergalactic duo) moved to the west coast, Dirk has been relegated to obscure user IDs and automated bowling score displays. When I googled "Secrets of the Rebellion" yesterday - there were about 30 results. 5 minutes ago, I checked again, there are 131.
Here's a shot of the film in progress - it's a little blurry - Z was trying to sit quietly on my lap, but Chewie was making him nervous ;)