The Advisor Advises

1. Early morning walk in the harbour
2. Go out for breakfast
3. Meet Erik for a cup of Americano
4. Late morning walk in the harbour
5. Buy handmade bamboo piccolo
6. Try Ethiopian food
7. Take afternoon nap
8. Take pictures
9. Watch oil painting in progress
10. Have family portrait drawn
11. Late afternoon walk in the harbour
12. Swim in pool overlooking the ocean
13. Watch TV while eating herb encrusted pork tenderloin and tiramisu in a king size bed

I am trying out something new. My family is on vacation, and as usual, we can't afford to do everything that we would like to do. We used to camp a lot, but now that we have a 10 month old, we don't have the energy to camp AND enjoy ourselves...
So, I'm trying out a company that offers to connect cheap, hungry, flexible travellers with nice hotels with vacancies to fill. For $29, Freestay Getaways will do just that, apparently. We have a 'reservation' for tonight at the Laurel Point Inn in Victoria. We have to pay roughly $100 per day for breakfast and dinner for two in their restaurant, and we get the room for free. I'll let you know how it works out!

A recent discussion with my American brother-in-law sparked an interesting session of web surfing. I had mused about a rumour that I heard about bananas. Somehow, somewhere, I got the idea that the world was on the verge of running out of bananas. His response to that was, "That's ridiculous. They grow on trees." The logic behind his statement is not the subject for this article, however worthy of discussion it might be... But, it got me thinking. Where did I get this idea? Had I read it? Had someone told me? Was it on TV? Of course the only way to answer a question of this magnitude is to google it.
It is very important to know that there was a banana shortage in the US of A during WWII. I know that this is important, because it is mentioned on hundreds of websites. Something that prolific cannot be unimportant. Most of these sites also mention Twinkies. If you want to know the story behind this, upon which I refuse to elaborate here, google twinkie banana shortage and read about it for yourself.
Using a poor emulation of a Simpson's-like plot twist, I'd like to turn your attention to a gut-bustingly funny website involving two boxes of Twinkies, and a lot of scientific creativity... The T.W.I.N.K.I.E.S. Project.
I never did find out if I should be stockpiling frozen bananas... they DO grow on trees.

Mr. Ball* asks via my advice page on another far less updated site: "How often do most people clip their toe nails? I feel like I'm doing it once a month. Is that normal?" Well Mr. Ball, normal is a difficult word to define. According to The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language the biological definition of "normal" is "Functioning or occurring in a natural way; lacking observable abnormalities or deficiencies." So, you have to ask yourself the question, "When I feel the need to cut my toe nails, is there any observable abnormalities or deficiencies causing me to feel this way?" My guess is that you are feeling abnormal or deficient. Why else would you ask me for advice? The next assumption that I freely and blindly make is that you are concerned about more than the frequency of your toenail clipping. You are also concerned about the condition of your toenails. You poor, unfortunate man. The American Podiatric Medical Association calmy assures us that our toenails often serve as barometers of our health. Whether your problem is ingrown or of a fungal nature I cannot tell from your simple and elusive question. The problem may be that you are wearing excessively tight hosiery which causes moisture. My suggestion, which I'm sure would be fully supported by the APMA, is to avoid applying polish to the infected nail, crack open a cold one and get the Carcassonne ready, 'cause you don't drink or play with your feet!
PS: I cut mine about once every two months, but they're abnormal.
*Mr. Ball's name has not been changed. He's old enough to protect himself.